The beginning of 2007 was a tumultuous one indeed: I had gotten laid off from my job, just divorced my husband, and moved back to Chicago in the winter. Just when things were going so well, I found out I was pregnant. While I am pro-choice and a firm believer in a woman’s right to choose, I didn’t get an abortion. I couldn’t even afford one! I knew I couldn’t raise a child on my own, so what were my other options? ADOPTION!
I hooked up with a great agency that specialized in open adoption, meaning I would still be a part of my child’s life. Watch her grow up, answer first hand when she has questions (and she will!) about the choice I made, physically be a part of her life. The even better part? I got to choose who her parents would be. I could pick out from a list of hundreds of parents-to-be who share my beliefs, my lifestyle, and most of all, would treat my baby like I wished I could.
Meet Patrick and Paul. Been together for years, and I’m pretty sure they will be for years and years to come. Patrick specialized in teen social work, and Paul is a first grade teacher. They love animals, being green, and life itself. It’s clear that this was the obvious choice. And I’m proud to say, I haven’t regretted it once. And earlier this year, they welcomed a new edition to the family, Paxton.
While it was definitely a stressful choice to place my child in the hands of someone else, it was easily the best one. I gave my daughter the best life I could, and unfortunately, I knew that wasn’t with me. It has given me strength in myself to know when to let go and that it isn’t all about me. And one day (if not already), she’ll realize what a wonderful life she has. She has three dads and a mom, and the extended family from that is infinite!
I love answering questions and comments about my decision. I love trying to make an ‘alternative lifestyle’ more mainstream. Our lives are full of choices, and that expands by the openness of our minds…
Powered by
12 non-facebook comments
The world’s most adorable family.
That was very brave of you, miss… and what an excellent result. I really believe you when you say she’s a lucky girl. I’d be happy to be her, too.
How often do you get to see her?
Thank you so much for sharing this story. Its brave to choose the best option when sometimes its not the most popular.
I would also like to thank you for reminding people that pro-choice is exactly that. and that not having an abortion does not make you *not* pro-choice.
Brava for making the whole process work for all of you.
Great story…What a beautiful family.
Oh Rugburn! My hat is off to you.
What brave, bold and wise decisions you made! Not putting yourself first, acknowledging where you were at at the time and choosing an open adoption. Excelsior!
It can be hard to be honest with oneself about capacity. There is how we like to view ourselves and then how we actually experience ourselves, all further complicated by the fact that we are dynamic and therefore, over time, have varying capacities and propensities all swirling about like a big 3D animated oil painting complete with internal soundtrack and existing throughout a time stream as opposed to a static frame that is easy to digest and place within a larger context..
Beautiful story, thanks for sharing. I hope families of the future can be more like this =]
Thanks for all the kind words guys. The magic is really in the family of P4 (Patrick, Paul, Parker, and Paxton). They are the everyday heroes. I just happened to have a baby.
I do get to see her when I visit Chicago, which is less than I’d like. But my mom goes to visit every couple months or so and reports back to me all the awesomeness that she has become!
Thank you for such an amazing post. Parker is so lucky to have such an amazing role model and mother. But I have to say that the magic of P4 is only as good as the family that surrounds it…….that’s you my love. Without you, there could be no P4. You are our everyday hero and blessing. ;O)
This is like the King Solomon story where everyone is the real mother.
Patrick, you are amazing, and Miranda, I am in absolute awe of your clear-thinking and generosity of spirit as well as your storytelling.
Thank you for letting us hear it.
P4! too adorable. <3 <3
It’s such a beautiful thing and I’m so happy for you that you are still able to get to see and interact with her.
I donated eggs twice to the same family, but it’s all an anonymous set-up so I don’t get to know any of the details. I did accidentally find out that their first child is a girl and it was amazing how happy that makes me feel to know.
I am very thankful that we live in a world where it is possible to give children to the people who really want them.
You’re awesome. And I mean that in the way that you are worthy of awe.
Thanks for sharing Miranda. The pictures were great, and I feel I understand you better from reading your story. (Obviously, this was from the Love section of LoveandTrash.)
You’re brave and incredible.