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Resource Rambo at your service.

Resource Rambo at your service.

Hello there ladies and gentlemen. Resource Rambo here. I hope you all had a wonderful Memorial Day. As a veteran, I would like to thank all the folks out there who have served in our Armed Forces. Without their sacrifices, we would not have the rights and privileges we enjoy today.

On to business.

Have you ever thought to yourself, “Self, how in the name of sanity do I do (blank)?”

Well, I am here to help.

Whatever your dilemma, I have the resources.

Do you want to know how to set up a survival kit? Make a Grand Marnier souffl√©? Find a lost relative? Avoid getting picked for jury duty? Build a shelter in the woods without tools? Seed a pomegranate? Tell your mom that you’re not really a stripper, that you’re actually a lawyer? (<- True story).

Leave your questions below in the comments.

I will answer them. Go ahead, I like to be stumped.

(If you require anonymity, email questions to resourcerambo at loveandtrash dotcom.)

57 Comments

  • I am taking this as a challenge. Please excuse me while I go think of something totally ridiculous. BRB

    • OK, how do you make a clown car so it can drive around AND hold an infinite number of clowns?

    • You take the Clown Car and you add a Toon.

      Now you have a Clown CarToon!

    • So, it’s really not possible except in cartoons?

    • Unfortunately, in a world full of absolutes, “infinite” is too absolute. The realization of clown cars with infinite clowns must be relegated to the land of dreams and make believe.

      Just remember: Don’t Stop Believing…

    • FEK!!!!!
      with the goddamned CLOWNS!
      you are taunting me now!

  • Okay, just how DO you seed a pomegranate? I love those things.

    • Funksteena-

      Seeding a pomegranate is as simple as Roll-Cut-Thwack.

      1. ROLL the fruit on a hard surface, under your hand, using medium pressure .

      2. CUT the fruit in half.

      3. Holding the cut half over a bowl, THWACK the outside of the fruit with a large spoon repeatedly.

      This will not only release a majority of the seeds within the pomegranate, it also releases tension and is strangely satisfying (ok, maybe that’s just me).

      Once you have extricated most of the seeds, the fibrous interior of the fruit will be loose enough to allow you to turn the fruit inside out to access the rest of the seeds.

  • Dear Resource Rambo,
    First off, thank YOU for your service. Marines, was it? (Memory getting fuzzy)
    What I’d like to know today is, how do I catch a rabbit using only paracord and whatever else may be laying around in the wilderness, like sticks, rocks, twigs, etc.?
    Kisses,
    Father Mayhem.

    • Thank you, sir. I was actually in the US Army.

      I will answer your question in an upcoming post.

    • WOAH!
      I object!
      HIGHLY!
      PISSILY!

    • Please be more specific. Do you object to my having been in the US Army? Do you feel upset by my decision to feature the answer to his question in next week’s post? Or do you find it morally reprehensible that we would discuss snaring the tasty animal known as the rabbit?

      I look to you for answers…

    • Mmmmmmm rabbit.

      Sweet, I look forward to it.

      Ah yes, Army. My bad.

    • i have no objections to you having been in the US army. My very own father was 1st Cav.
      I object to poor rabbits (pissy ones specifically) being snared.
      i will not fall for your tricks!
      (i think the fake objection was lost in translation as my comments are somehow being written under “Landry” instead of “Pissyrabbit”)

  • Hello, Resource Rambo! Question from an anonymous lurker who isn’t me -

    What’s the difference between a punk-ass bitch and a bitch-ass punk?

    • According to Urbandictionary.com:

      “while a “punk ass bitch” is someone who likes to take it in the ass or is a sonofabitch, a “bitch ass punk” is a poser, a douchebag, or a guy who likes to stick other guys in the ass.”

  • And this, from me – what do you think are the most useful Spanish phrases I should know for four days in Cabo?

    • RaggedyAnnarchy-

      First off, it’s Cabo! You don’t need to speak Spanish! Most everyone you will interact with will speak English. I have learned that if you can’t understand the local tongue, don’t try to have a conversation in it.

      However, if you need some important phrases, I would recommend:

      Habla Ingles?
      Do you speak English?

      Necesito ayuda.
      I need help.

      Donde esta el bano?
      Where is the toilet?

    • I think you’re cooler than Rambo And I’m enjoying these q. an a.’s so far. I can only think of really dumb questions though.

      Okay – true or false – “Soldiers love their dogs, but sailors prefer cats”*. It sure seems to be true. I’m curious.

      *that’s Homer.

    • I prefer cats…

    • Oh, and thank you.

  • How do you make worcestershire sauce?

    • My recipe may contain a lot of ingredients, but it’s very simple and easy.

      Ingredients:

      * 2 tablespoons olive oil
      * 2 large sweet onions, roughly chopped
      * 1/2 cup tamarind paste
      * 2 tablespoons minced garlic
      * 2 tablespoons minced ginger
      * 2 jalapenos, seeds removed and minced
      * 1/4 cup chopped canned anchovies
      * 1/4 cup tomato paste
      * 2 whole cloves
      * 2 tablespoons freshly cracked black pepper
      * 1/2 cup dark corn syrup
      * 1 cup molasses
      * 3 cups white vinegar
      * 1 cup dark beer
      * 1/2 cup orange juice
      * 2 cups water
      * 1 lemon, thinly sliced
      * 1 lime, thinly sliced

      Heat the olive oil in a large saucepan and saute the chopped sweet onion until soft.

      Add the tamarind paste, garlic, ginger, and jalapenos.

      Cook over medium-low heat for another 5 minutes.

      Add anchovies, tomato paste, cloves, pepper, corn syrup, molasses, white vinegar, dark beer, orange juice, water, lemon, and lime.

      Stir to combine and bring to a boil.

      Reduce heat and simmer, stirring occasionally, for about 3 hours until thickened enough to coat the back of a spoon.

      Strain Worcestershire sauce into a glass bottle and refrigerate.

  • When can I get my time machine?

    • Yesterday!

    • So I need the time machine to go back to yesterday to get the time machine? CURSE YOU, LINEAR PERSPECTIVE.

  • What is the one question you wish everyon would ask? What’s the answer, if any?

    • I wish everyone would ask:

      “How can I start to change the world?”

      My answer:

      By asking the question, you’ve already begun.

    • awww that gave me warm fuzzies

  • my question is two part:
    How do I convince Jeff and Caleb that the should they wear tin foil hats when they play D&D? Is it immoral to manipulate your friends in order to distract yourself from a flotilla?

    • When attempting to manipulate people you can follow M.I.C.E..

      Money
      Ideology
      Conscience
      Ego

      Start by offering incentives (ie Money, sex, midgets). Next step is to appeal to either of their ideologies. If that doesn’t work, you can attempt to use their consciences. Last, but not least, appeal to the ego. You must be careful. The steps are one way only. Once you exhaust one level and move to the next, there is no going back. Good luck!

      To answer the question of morality, you would need to define the type of morality with which you are concerned. Does it fall under applied morality, descriptive morality, or normative morality? However, I don’t see the need to get into it that far.

      Do you feel bad about it? Follow your gut.

    • So true that one can not retreat back to a previous argument. I know this well as I have a tendency to change subjects two quickly before exhausting the earlier idea.

      The moral delima in question stems not from a sense of guilt resulting from the manipulation of ones friends as this is simply fun, but in fact the distracting of oneself from the trials and tragedies that do currently befall would be flotillas.

    • I am forwarding this to every friend who ever insisted that I really ‘need’ to go to Burning Man.

      On a totally unrelated note, honest – how do you deal with a panic attack?

    • RaggedyAnnarchy-

      That is a weighty question. I would be remiss if I didn’t recommend seeking professional help if panic attacks are a persistent problem.

      First, you need to identify that your ARE having a panic attack and not a heart attack If it’s a heart attack, call 911 immediately.

      - Get your blood flowing and your body moving. Remove yourself from whatever situation you were in when your panic attack started coming on.

      - Quickly distract your mind. Watch children play. Turn on a cartoon, children’s program, or a family television show.

      - Eat the right things. Tobacco, alcohol and caffeine will only further increase your chances of having a panic attack. You should try and stick to natural vegetables and fruits as much as possible.

    • camp with me.
      you will be as tranquillo as a baby (without colic)

  • you are awesome

  • I’m unemployed and I need to make rent. How do I make $80 in the next two days?

    • Work

      Go down to Home Depot, OSH, or wherever day laborers can be found and hustle. You can make that $80 in less than a day.

      Wash cars, mow lawns, or suck a bunch o’ trouser snake. There are lots of ways to make $80 over the course of two days.

      But you gotta work for it.

      DIY

    • Fuck that, how bout $850 w/o selling my soul, my sex, or my drugs?

      On another note, it was nice seeing you the other night!

  • i am completely in LOVE with this new addition to our lives!

    I have so many of these questions that we may need another server.
    in the spirot of coming in strong, my first one is a 2 parter:

    Part I
    What is the name of that puckery sensation that you get in the back of your jaw when you eat something sour (sometimes you get it just *smelling* or *seeing* something that you know is sour)

    Part II
    What causes it?

    • Thank you, Landry.

      To answer your questions…

      That “pucker” is often called just that. It is also known as “astringency”.

      How do astringents work?
      Basically, they reduce the permeability of cell membranes and harden the cement substance of the capillary endothelium (the inner cell layer of capillaries). In effect, this inhibits movement of plasma protein through capillaries, which thus reduces local edema (swelling) and inflammation. Muscle contraction and tissue wrinkling accompanies the effect. Since astringents do not penetrate very deeply into cells, the action is limited to the cell surface and interstitial (in-between cells) spaces.

      Now to the why…
      Detecting sourness, which is an indication of acidity, is one of the many ways animals avoid eating substances that might be harmful.
      “It’s not appealing, and for good reason,” said John DeSimone, a professor of physiology at Virginia Commonwealth University. Sour taste “is a mechanism that says ‘don’t ingest large quantities of acid’ because it’s likely to be bad for you.”
      Sometimes sense memory is so strong, you can simply look at an object or smell an odor and trigger a physical response.

    • you, my friend, are the fucking greatest.
      i have more but i will save them and sprinkle them around like fairy dust over time.

    • Awww shucks, ma’am…

  • I just watched Daniel Craig in “Casino Royale” – what an AWESOME Bond he makes imho, and a great reboot to the Bond franchise – But my question related to this film is in regards to the scene in which he is getting tortured (OUCH btw). What is the best way to DEAL with being tortured? Also, what is the best tactic, if any, to not revealing anything important?

    • What is the best way to DEAL with being tortured?

      This is not an easy one.

      The first thing you have to do is go some place else in your mind. Focus on survival and escape. Think of your loved ones. Use love, anger, and fear as your weapons.

      Remember, if your captors are willing to torture you for information or some action they need you to perform, they are more than willing to kill you. They probably will not kill you as long as they think they have a chance of getting what they want.

      If you are being tortured for information, hold out as long as you can.

      ** NO ONE CAN RESIST INTERROGATION INDEFINITELY!!!**

      I don’t care how tough you think you are.

      Don’t lie. Lies can be caught. Keep to the truth. Stay away from information with which others can be harmed. Avoid giving up the information your torturers are trying to get out of you.

      Hold out for as long as you can and hope for escape or rescue.

  • In regards to the Change the world question, what is the best way to deal with cognitive dissonance when having a discussion with someone clinging tightly to their ideology as opposed to assessing situations or society in general with an open mind and empirical method?

    • See the above question re: M.I.C.E.(Money, Ideology, Conscience, Ego).

      If you cannot adapt your argument to work within their ideology, you can try to appeal to their conscience or ego.

      Just remember that not all rocks can be skipped. Know when to quit and just do your thing. Besides, if you’re trying to change the world, why are you wasting your time trying to change one mind within this great big world?

  • OH! OH! OH! Mr. Resource! Mr. Resource! I have another question!!!

    I like Bacon and I’m betting that you do too. Mmmmmm Bacon.

    I was reading the Little House series to my kids and noticed that they saved bacon grease, or fat, for use greasing pans for future meals. It got me thinking that all that bacon grease, that is often a Pain in the ass to dispose of properly is actually a pretty valuable resource. So, are there any uses for it in this modern context? Can I save it in jars for helping start campfires or filter it and use it for fuel or to weatherproof my niking boots (as well as attract bears to fight off to protect my footgear!) Just curious and thinking that you may be able to shed some interesting perspective on the bacon fat situation.

    Thank you SIR!

  • Yeah. Good question..What Mayfield said.

  • Dear Resource Rambo,

    How does a person come up with a challenging enough question to create a positive change in the world that lasts more than a few moments?

    • Kevin-

      I don’t think it’s about coming up with a challenging enough question to create a positive change in the world that lasts more than a few moments. I think it’s about sticking with the actions leading you to create a positive change. Often the question needn’t be challenging. Sometimes the greatest changes are an effect of simple ideas.

      If you see something that needs changing, are you the person who thinks about how it can be fixed and wants to get someone else to do it, or are you the person who does something to fix it. I would think by your question that you are a doer. So be the butterfly and cause the hurricane on the other side of the world that feeds Haiti.

    • thanks. I was looking for some insightful thoughts to ponder on and you provided just that. I for one am looking into ways I can create change… However lack the focus and testicular fortitude to sometimes follow through with my ideas. Thanks for your insight you are good at it. I hope we can continue this later when I can think of a better question… Carry on good sir and see ya soon. bla bla bla…

      Does a monkey sit down to pee?

    • One more question. Is there a way to make shrinky dinks with a house hold waste?

    • Take a look at this link. This guy grew up with scientists for parental units.

    • It depends on the monkey. A monkey can be trained to sit on a toilet. In the wild monkey squat or hang to urinate.

  • On the more mundane….I have a pile of 50 or so plastic transparencies that I just cleaned out of my teaching files. What would be a good re-use for them?

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